Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
