Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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