thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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