dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
