My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
