so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
