Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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