i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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