She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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