im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
