She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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