Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
