My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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