We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You have to summon your inner elephant
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
