Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
