Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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