I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Never joke about your clitoris.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
