Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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