I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
