I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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