im about as happy as oj after his trial
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
