i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
