he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
