I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
