Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
