i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
