you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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