stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
