I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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