I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
