no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Blood and glitter go together right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
