I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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