I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
