The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
