i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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