your parents love me but you hate me
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
