I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
