I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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