I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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