No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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