my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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