Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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