My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
