he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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