I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
