I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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