After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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