Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
