Sponge bath it is.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
