R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
