Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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